Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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