My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
