I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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