At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
