i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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