addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
