I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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