Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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