I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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