is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
