I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
