i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
