my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
