screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
