Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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