no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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