Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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