I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
