I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
