just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
