Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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