then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
