I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
