WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
