based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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