you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
