All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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