Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
