Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
