he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
