just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
