Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
