The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
