wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
