I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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