dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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