Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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