My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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