Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
