Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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