feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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