i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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