so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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