I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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