I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Randomize
