Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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