if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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