I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
