she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
