Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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