There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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