I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
