Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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